You’ve heard the saying. Bad sex is like bad pizza, it doesn’t exist. But just as surely as you’ve had bad pizza in your life, there are bound to be times when you have a less-than-stellar sexual encounter. When it does happen the first thing couples do is look to place blame or find a cause. Besides being frustrating and pointless, this can actually perpetuate disappointing sexual experiences by making both parties anxious about their performance. A better solution is to use the three strikes rule. If it happens once, ignore it. Everyone has an off day. Even Michael Jordan didn’t sink the shot every time. If it happens again, discuss it, but don’t dwell on it. Make sure you weren’t trying an uncomfortable position or that you weren’t preoccupied with other thoughts at the time. When it happens a third time, consider this simple change in technique.
Talk it out during the act. Ask your partner what they’d like you to do and then do it. Then make a request of your own. Trade thoughts like these back and forth throughout the session, relinquishing control, responding and enjoying the reciprocation. It works because it helps us focus less on ourselves and more on the other person, which lessens our anxiety in the moment. As well, it opens us up to new things we may not have known our partner liked… which can also be a sign of growing trust. Be open to trying new positions or maybe introducing some sexy props if that will take both of you to the next level. Just how talkative you choose to get is completely up to you, but it should be comfortable after you get over the initial change. Past that, it’s entirely your call whether to continue it, but if it took you to new heights once, isn’t it worth trying again in the future?