It’s a myth that every woman out there wants a baby. Some women have chosen their careers over parenthood. Others just aren’t the motherly type. Still others value their independence to a level that makes being a full- or part-time parent impractical. If your lady is one of these types, then you can probably take her at her word that she’s not interested in having a baby.
But, there are quite a few women out there who fully intend to be moms one day and see dating as daddy auditions. What’s tricky is that some of these women enter into a relationship believing they’ll eventually get their guys on board with the baby agenda or change their partners’ minds. So they’ll agree at first that they “aren’t ready for kids” or they “want to be married first,” but in the back of their minds they’re working towards a goal, with or without you.
What’s a good, decent guy to do? Well, obviously begin with an open, honest conversation. Tell her your feelings on the subject… and don’t hold back. It may be that you just don’t see yourself having kids with her. Or, like you’ve said before, you don’t plan on having kids at all. Obviously, be prepared that this may be a heated discussion. But in truth, if you’re not being honest with each other, you’re both wasting each other’s time. If she deflects your questions, watch her behavior. Has she mysteriously stopped smoking or drinking alcohol? Have a number of her close friends recently gotten pregnant or had children? Does she come from a family with many siblings and she’s the only one without children? Has she been pushing the subject of marriage more often? If any of these are the case, you may want to push a little further to find out the motivation behind her behaviors or statements. If you’re still not satisfied with the honesty of her answer, don’t feel like you’re helpless to see how things play out. You can always choose to wear a condom during sex, even though she is supposed to be on the pill. You can always bring it up as a novelty with condoms that are ribbed, glow in the dark, or coated with specialty lubricants that enhance sensitivity.
In the end, you’ll have to get real with each other if you want the relationship to progress – or if you want to be able to continue to enjoy a relationship of love and trust. But knowing what you’re up against can let you know when it’s time to have that discussion.